{"id":10354,"date":"2018-02-22T18:59:33","date_gmt":"2018-02-22T17:59:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/konflikte\/"},"modified":"2021-01-07T19:20:02","modified_gmt":"2021-01-07T18:20:02","slug":"conflicts","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/conflicts\/","title":{"rendered":"Conflicts with my child"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-c1c8l82-0e0e892a73baa9581acbddc3f6e4adff\">\n.avia-section.av-c1c8l82-0e0e892a73baa9581acbddc3f6e4adff{\nbackground-color:#f1edf2;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div id='av_section_1'  class='avia-section av-c1c8l82-0e0e892a73baa9581acbddc3f6e4adff main_color avia-section-default avia-no-shadow  avia-builder-el-0  el_before_av_one_fourth  avia-builder-el-first  avia-bg-style-scroll  container_wrap sidebar_left'  ><div class='container av-section-cont-open' ><main  role=\"main\" itemprop=\"mainContentOfPage\"  class='template-page content  av-content-small units'><div class='post-entry post-entry-type-page post-entry-10354'><div class='entry-content-wrapper clearfix'>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-bprnl8y-d0d8f0c8d7b285a54d24b055827c5451\">\n.flex_column.av-bprnl8y-d0d8f0c8d7b285a54d24b055827c5451{\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-webkit-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-moz-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div class='flex_column av-bprnl8y-d0d8f0c8d7b285a54d24b055827c5451 av_one_fourth  avia-builder-el-1  el_before_av_one_half  avia-builder-el-first  first flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding '   ><\/div>\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-b7inr76-5ac96cdcb306a275b832a4ee68f23cc7\">\n.flex_column.av-b7inr76-5ac96cdcb306a275b832a4ee68f23cc7{\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-webkit-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-moz-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div class='flex_column av-b7inr76-5ac96cdcb306a275b832a4ee68f23cc7 av_one_half  avia-builder-el-2  el_after_av_one_fourth  el_before_av_one_fourth  flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding '   ><p><section  class='av_textblock_section av-3vfxv6-69fbcac78732e3720903394ec4887159 '  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/CreativeWork\" ><div class='avia_textblock '  itemprop=\"text\" ><p><strong>____________<br \/>\nWhen conflicts arise with my<br \/>\nchild and\u00a0<\/strong><strong>on my decision<br \/>\nto act from the heart<br \/>\n<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #808080;\">A personal account by Pia Doegl,<br \/>\nfounder of <em>beginning well<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div><\/section><br \/>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-ajl7o0i-3e82cbc35ea7bde6048fb52405849474\">\n.avia-image-container.av-ajl7o0i-3e82cbc35ea7bde6048fb52405849474 .av-image-caption-overlay-center{\ncolor:#ffffff;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='avia-image-container av-ajl7o0i-3e82cbc35ea7bde6048fb52405849474 av-styling- avia-align-left  avia-builder-el-4  el_after_av_textblock  avia-builder-el-last  '  itemprop=\"image\" itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/ImageObject\" ><div class=\"avia-image-container-inner\"><div class=\"avia-image-overlay-wrap\"><img class='wp-image-11343 avia-img-lazy-loading-not-11343 avia_image' src=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/April_18-251x300.jpg\" alt='' title=''  height=\"300\" width=\"251\"  itemprop=\"thumbnailUrl\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/April_18-251x300.jpg 251w, https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/April_18-863x1030.jpg 863w, https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/April_18-600x716.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/April_18-1257x1500.jpg 1257w, https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/April_18-591x705.jpg 591w, https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/April_18-450x537.jpg 450w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 251px) 100vw, 251px\" \/><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/p><\/div>\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-9qccpua-3244a3b6fd62b53c00c0d67c162f86f7\">\n.flex_column.av-9qccpua-3244a3b6fd62b53c00c0d67c162f86f7{\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-webkit-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-moz-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div class='flex_column av-9qccpua-3244a3b6fd62b53c00c0d67c162f86f7 av_one_fourth  avia-builder-el-5  el_after_av_one_half  avia-builder-el-last  flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding '   ><p><section  class='av_textblock_section av-98u9oc2-985b3e7cd30d1162eba376692d4aea1e '  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/CreativeWork\" ><div class='avia_textblock '  itemprop=\"text\" ><p><strong>____________<br \/>\nBeginning well <\/strong><br \/>\n<strong>Podcast <\/strong><br \/>\n<strong>Series<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333333;\">Listen to our first podcast on the topic\u00a0<em><strong><span style=\"color: #333333;\">Resolving Conflicts with Love<\/span><\/strong>,\u00a0<\/em>including\u00a0an invitation\u00a0to\u00a0more self-awareness.<br \/>\n<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #f5eded;\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<div id=\"kgvid_kgvid_0_wrapper\" class=\"kgvid_wrapper\">\n\t\t\t<div id=\"video_kgvid_0_div\" class=\"fitvidsignore kgvid_videodiv\" data-id=\"kgvid_0\" data-kgvid_video_vars=\"{&quot;id&quot;:&quot;kgvid_0&quot;,&quot;attachment_id&quot;:10724,&quot;player_type&quot;:&quot;Video.js&quot;,&quot;width&quot;:&quot;270&quot;,&quot;height&quot;:&quot;360&quot;,&quot;fullwidth&quot;:&quot;false&quot;,&quot;countable&quot;:true,&quot;count_views&quot;:&quot;quarters&quot;,&quot;start&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;autoplay&quot;:&quot;false&quot;,&quot;pauseothervideos&quot;:&quot;true&quot;,&quot;set_volume&quot;:&quot;1&quot;,&quot;muted&quot;:&quot;false&quot;,&quot;meta&quot;:false,&quot;endofvideooverlay&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;resize&quot;:&quot;true&quot;,&quot;auto_res&quot;:&quot;automatic&quot;,&quot;pixel_ratio&quot;:&quot;true&quot;,&quot;right_click&quot;:&quot;on&quot;,&quot;playback_rate&quot;:&quot;false&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;Conflicts with My Child&quot;,&quot;nativecontrolsfortouch&quot;:&quot;true&quot;,&quot;locale&quot;:&quot;en&quot;,&quot;enable_resolutions_plugin&quot;:false}\" itemprop=\"video\" itemscope itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/VideoObject\"><meta itemprop=\"thumbnailUrl\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/Conflicts_thumb.png\" \/><meta itemprop=\"embedUrl\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/?attachment_id=10724&amp;kgvid_video_embed[enable]=true\" \/><meta itemprop=\"contentUrl\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/Conflicts-with-My-Child.m4v\" \/><meta itemprop=\"name\" content=\"Conflicts with My Child\" \/><meta itemprop=\"description\" content=\"Video\" \/><meta itemprop=\"uploadDate\" content=\"2018-04-13T07:00:12+01:00\" \/>\n\t\t\t\t<video id=\"video_kgvid_0\" playsinline controls preload=\"metadata\" poster=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/Conflicts_thumb.png\" width=\"270\" height=\"360\" class=\"fitvidsignore video-js kg-video-js-skin\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<source src=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/Conflicts-with-My-Child.m4v?id=0\" type=\"video\/mp4\" data-res=\"480p\">\n\t\t\t\t<\/video>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n<\/div><\/section><br \/>\n<section  class='av_textblock_section av-98u9oc2-985b3e7cd30d1162eba376692d4aea1e '  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/CreativeWork\" ><div class='avia_textblock '  itemprop=\"text\" ><p><strong>____________<br \/>\n<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/bewell_everyday_logo_lila_85x462.png\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener www.beginningwell.com\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-11475 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/bewell_everyday_logo_lila_85x462.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"462\" height=\"85\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/bewell_everyday_logo_lila_85x462.png 462w, https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/bewell_everyday_logo_lila_85x462-300x55.png 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 462px) 100vw, 462px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Find Nourishing Support for YOURSELF and your Family and join our Beginning Well Everyday community! We are looking forward to seeing you <strong><em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.beginningwell.com\">there.<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div><\/section><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/main><!-- close content main element --><\/div><\/div><div id='after_section_1'  class='main_color av_default_container_wrap container_wrap sidebar_left'  ><div class='container av-section-cont-open' ><div class='template-page content  av-content-small units'><div class='post-entry post-entry-type-page post-entry-10354'><div class='entry-content-wrapper clearfix'>\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-8t8h1wy-4121dcb70c25f503ab4fc55499994762\">\n.flex_column.av-8t8h1wy-4121dcb70c25f503ab4fc55499994762{\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-webkit-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-moz-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div class='flex_column av-8t8h1wy-4121dcb70c25f503ab4fc55499994762 av_one_fourth  avia-builder-el-8  el_after_av_section  el_before_av_one_half  avia-builder-el-first  first flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding '   ><\/div><\/p>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-vcpsmq-1f83d2ef707f2d8cea7e73daa20b3c27\">\n.flex_column.av-vcpsmq-1f83d2ef707f2d8cea7e73daa20b3c27{\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-webkit-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-moz-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div class='flex_column av-vcpsmq-1f83d2ef707f2d8cea7e73daa20b3c27 av_one_half  avia-builder-el-9  el_after_av_one_fourth  el_before_av_one_fourth  flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding '   ><section  class='av_textblock_section av-7ye1hjm-415dbc2292a8fdb4e65fde07ae722383 '  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/CreativeWork\" ><div class='avia_textblock '  itemprop=\"text\" ><p><strong>____________<br \/>\nI didn\u2019t know I<br \/>\ncould shout<br \/>\nso loud<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve never shouted so loud in my life as in conflict situations with our daughter.<\/p>\n<p>Knowing very well that children\u2019s behavior can be unbalanced and impulsive up to around their seventh year and that they are not really ready for intellectual arguments, I nevertheless sometimes lose my composure in everyday life. This especially happens when I am pressed for time or low on energy.\u00a0<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>____________<br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\">Different than expected<br \/>\n<\/span><\/strong>Looked at more closely, I lose my composure when I expect certain behavior from my child, but she behaves differently to how I want. A recent example: It&#8217;s bedtime and I ask my daughter to come to the bathroom, so we can brush her teeth. But she is in her play and needs to feed her doll just right before she can move on to the next task. She is just not as quick as I would love her to be.<\/p>\n<p><strong>_____________<br \/>\nThe young child is<br \/>\nstill living completely<br \/>\nin the moment\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We adults can seldom be as engrossed and lively as a young child living in the moment.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\" wp-image-6615\" src=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/selbst_erkunden21-986x1030-287x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"409\" height=\"428\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/selbst_erkunden21-986x1030-287x300.jpg 287w, https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/selbst_erkunden21-986x1030-674x705.jpg 674w, https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/selbst_erkunden21-986x1030-450x470.jpg 450w, https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/selbst_erkunden21-986x1030.jpg 986w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 409px) 100vw, 409px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Planning things, thinking in advance and having to get things done by a certain time is part of our everyday life.<\/p>\n<p>But a vibrant daily life together is full of surprises: it\u00a0just cannot be planned.<\/p>\n<p><strong>____________<br \/>\nConsciously experience<br \/>\nwhat is going on<br \/>\ninside<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The fact that we adults can act with foresight and planning is one of our greatest abilities. Only in this way can we come to meaningful decisions, for example determining what is good for the development of a child.<\/p>\n<p>Nevertheless, to live a mindful life together we have to be able to distinguish: Am I seeing my own idea in my head or am I actually experiencing what is really going on now? We need to be able to distinguish projections vs. reality.<\/p>\n<p>For example, when I am telling my daughter that we need to brush her teeth now and she is not coming after some seconds, I start to think she is ignoring or trying to provoke me.<\/p>\n<p>But a child this age just lives in the moment and is absorbed in her own doing. In fact, when I look at her, she&#8217;s tenderly taking care of her baby&#8230;why would she rush? Perhaps she is testing how far she can go, but she is definitely not ignoring me or trying to provoke me on purpose.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/section><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-7pykuia-ffc016029482b75d80dc381dd4b688ba\">\n.flex_column.av-7pykuia-ffc016029482b75d80dc381dd4b688ba{\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-webkit-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-moz-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div class='flex_column av-7pykuia-ffc016029482b75d80dc381dd4b688ba av_one_fourth  avia-builder-el-11  el_after_av_one_half  el_before_av_one_fourth  flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding '   ><section  class='av_textblock_section av-78h38lu-ea0370ec9468a6859c0cc75b376002f4 '  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/CreativeWork\" ><div class='avia_textblock '  itemprop=\"text\" ><p><strong>____________<\/strong><br \/>\n<strong>All\u00a0podcasts and\u00a0films of<br \/>\n<em>beginning <\/em><\/strong><strong><em>well\u00a0<\/em>are available<br \/>\nto the <\/strong><strong>public for free<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #808080;\">We are deeply grateful for your support. Your donation, in any amount, helps us further develop and distribute\u00a0<em>beginning well<\/em>.\u00a0More about donation can be found <span style=\"color: #333333;\"><em><a style=\"color: #333333;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/donations\/\">here.<\/a><\/em><\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div><\/section><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-6of2vaq-b7e592e07dbe2543c58f1803d7408352\">\n.flex_column.av-6of2vaq-b7e592e07dbe2543c58f1803d7408352{\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-webkit-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-moz-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div class='flex_column av-6of2vaq-b7e592e07dbe2543c58f1803d7408352 av_one_fourth  avia-builder-el-13  el_after_av_one_fourth  el_before_av_one_half  first flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding column-top-margin'   ><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-6e9n06q-9c612dbbdb66e3058f9312a5442a8b6f\">\n.flex_column.av-6e9n06q-9c612dbbdb66e3058f9312a5442a8b6f{\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-webkit-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-moz-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div class='flex_column av-6e9n06q-9c612dbbdb66e3058f9312a5442a8b6f av_one_half  avia-builder-el-14  el_after_av_one_fourth  el_before_av_one_fourth  flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding column-top-margin'   ><section  class='av_textblock_section av-5r6slhu-a7f5ee73d749e807593012393beb1759 '  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/CreativeWork\" ><div class='avia_textblock '  itemprop=\"text\" ><p><strong>____________<br \/>\nImagination and perception<br \/>\ndon\u2019t work<br \/>\nat the same time<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>As long as we are not aware that we are living in our thoughts and in our idea of <em>what<\/em> should happen and <em>how, <\/em>we are also not open to what is really happening in the moment. Projections are imagined mental images not based on reality. It is not possible to imagine and perceive at the same time.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #808080;\">More on the subject <em>Imagination and perception don\u2019t work at the same time <\/em>can be found <strong><a style=\"color: #808080;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/give-me-patience\/\"><em>here &#8230;<\/em><\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p>How often does it happen that we are only partly or half aware of something and immediately fit it into our own ideas? For example, once I think my daughter is ignoring me, I then judge the situation that actually happened differently. I judge her behavior based on experiences of the past, instead of being open and perceiving what is really happening in the now.<\/p>\n<p>Nothing happens exactly like it did before because my child and I are also different each time. So every moment with each other is new and fresh.<\/p>\n<p>And if I manage to accept every moment as it is, without prejudgment, I have no reason whatsoever to get annoyed.<\/p>\n<p>This does not mean that all kinds of a child\u2019s behavior should be tolerated. It means that my attitude and ability to set limits comes from a place of love, respect, and compassion, not from anger, fear, or pain.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #808080;\">More on the subject of <em>Setting limits<\/em> can be found <strong><a style=\"color: #808080;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/setting-limits\/\"><em>here &#8230;<\/em><\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p>____________<br \/>\n<strong>We want to change our child\u2019s behavior \u2014<br \/>\n<\/strong><strong>but we can only change<br \/>\nourselves<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>As in a relationship between a couple, it is common to put the blame on the other. But wanting to change other people to fit in with our own ideas is an endless undertaking. And what good does it do me if I am convinced that it was not me but my child who started the conflict? What I actually want is a lively, authentic relationship and not a child trained like a circus animal.<\/p>\n<p>Feeling guilty and ashamed when I lose my composure and shout loudly only keeps my self-esteem low, further distancing myself from the deep connection I long for.<\/p>\n<p>____________<br \/>\n<strong>What can I do now<br \/>\nto change<br \/>\nmyself?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #000000;\">The decision<\/span><br \/>\n<\/strong>In order to be able to change myself, I must first make a deliberate decision. I decide: <em>I want to keep my heart open in all situations. Also in conflict situations, I don\u2019t want to react by pushing away but rather by turning to. I want to use my strength to create a loving life together and not use it to fight against each other. \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Although we don\u2019t want to, we often work against each other in everyday life \u2014 even though we all ultimately want to be able to enjoy a peaceful and loving togetherness.<\/p>\n<p><strong>____________<br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\">Growing awareness<\/span><br \/>\n<\/strong>What direction should I then take to de-escalate my emotions? Where should I begin?<\/p>\n<p>While looking for answers I am firstly helped by a growing feeling of my inner experience and <u>listening into my body:<\/u><\/p>\n<p>What am I actually feeling now? Do I feel light and mobile or do I rather feel limited and rigid?<\/p>\n<p>How am I breathing?<\/p>\n<p>Are my shoulders relaxed or tense?<\/p>\n<p>How is my contact with the ground?<\/p>\n<p><u>Then, I listen into my mind:<\/u><br \/>\n<em>When<\/em> am I lost in thought and <em>what<\/em> am I thinking?<\/p>\n<p>Do I feel sufficiently recognised and appreciated?<\/p>\n<p>When do I lose my composure?<\/p>\n<p>Why am I so mad that a person I love isn\u2019t listening to me? Is this about something else? Can I really be this mad about her not brushing her teeth the second I want her to? Why is this such a trigger for me? By identifying the trigger, more awareness creates the vitality and uniqueness of every moment with the child.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/section><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-5gowrua-673ea989cf839fc49dc4dfa0689152ad\">\n.flex_column.av-5gowrua-673ea989cf839fc49dc4dfa0689152ad{\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-webkit-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-moz-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div class='flex_column av-5gowrua-673ea989cf839fc49dc4dfa0689152ad av_one_fourth  avia-builder-el-16  el_after_av_one_half  el_before_av_one_fourth  flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding column-top-margin'   ><section  class='av_textblock_section av-4vp79oy-e6d58e7adecb2103a0cb1443e86c552d '  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/CreativeWork\" ><div class='avia_textblock '  itemprop=\"text\" ><p><span style=\"color: #808080;\">____________<br \/>\n<strong>An Invitation to more<br \/>\nself-awareness\u00a0can be<br \/>\nfound <span style=\"color: #333333;\"><em><a style=\"color: #333333;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/handling-yourself\/\">here &#8230;<\/a><\/em><\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div><\/section><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-4dpsihe-a2cf533f617a4967edf84a0fadced75c\">\n.flex_column.av-4dpsihe-a2cf533f617a4967edf84a0fadced75c{\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-webkit-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-moz-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div class='flex_column av-4dpsihe-a2cf533f617a4967edf84a0fadced75c av_one_fourth  avia-builder-el-18  el_after_av_one_fourth  el_before_av_one_half  first flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding column-top-margin'   ><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-3w7cm0i-fb7a1766a81849258762f36662dae12c\">\n.flex_column.av-3w7cm0i-fb7a1766a81849258762f36662dae12c{\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-webkit-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-moz-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div class='flex_column av-3w7cm0i-fb7a1766a81849258762f36662dae12c av_one_half  avia-builder-el-19  el_after_av_one_fourth  el_before_av_one_fourth  flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding column-top-margin'   ><section  class='av_textblock_section av-3ezonle-1eb6a24dd02bd197230f7c7e37735ea2 '  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/CreativeWork\" ><div class='avia_textblock '  itemprop=\"text\" ><p><strong>____________<br \/>\nStep by step \u2014<br \/>\nonly practise<br \/>\nmakes progress<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>As soon as I begin to ask such questions I am already on my way. And even if I don\u2019t find answers immediately it is possible that things become clearer and I can experience them with more awareness.<\/p>\n<p><strong>____________<br \/>\nImpatience<br \/>\nprevents all<br \/>\nprogress <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I shouldn\u2019t expect a quick result. The following question helps me to remain patient: <em>How long have I been familiar with these inner states that I now want to change? <\/em>My answer is <em>A Long Time<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Even if we sometimes find our inner development uncomfortable or perhaps even demanding or we have the feeling that we are making no progress, the solution can never be to give up because we did not start on this journey to abandon it. Life is the journey!<\/p>\n<p><strong>____________<br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\">It\u2019s all a question of attitude<br \/>\n<\/span><\/strong>I cannot control how my child behaves. But what I can control is how <em>I<\/em> react.<\/p>\n<p>My attitude is therefore fundamental: I can use everything that happens to me as a chance to practice my set aim of <em>acting out of love and not out of annoyance. <\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>____________<br \/>\nHelpful preconditions<br \/>\nfor further<br \/>\ndevelopment <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Along with the attitude of using every situation as a chance to practise my aim, I have found the following characteristics helpful:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>A willingness to try things out and let go of existing prejudices, dogmas etc.,<\/li>\n<li>Courage, because I am moving out of the familiar and well-known and not everybody welcomes changes,<\/li>\n<li>Staying power,<\/li>\n<li>Practice \u2014 practice \u2014 practice \u2014 and do it with joy.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #000000;\">____________<\/span><\/strong><br \/>\n<strong><span style=\"color: #000000;\"> Observing myself<\/span><br \/>\n<\/strong>Each time when I feel my hackles rising I can ask myself: <em>Well what\u2019s coming up in me here again? <\/em><\/p>\n<p>I find it helpful that just by asking this question I take up the position of an observer and can then more easily step out of the \u201cdrama loop\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>Only when I come out of my inner limitation can I ask myself: W<em>hat do I want? Do I want to react like a fury or should my actions come from the heart?<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #000000;\">____________<\/span><\/strong><br \/>\n<strong><span style=\"color: #000000;\"> Pause and reflect<\/span><br \/>\n<\/strong>I can always pause and reflect for a moment during the day, close my eyes and feel my breathing. Being aware of my breathing calms me down and lets me take a new look at external events.<\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #000000;\">____________<\/span><\/strong><br \/>\n<strong><span style=\"color: #000000;\"> A matter of the heart<\/span><br \/>\n<\/strong>How does it feel when I am in my heart? How strong do I feel there?<\/p>\n<p>If I manage to enter the space of my heart in a conflict situation, my perception also changes:<\/p>\n<p>Tightness and rigidity dissolve, limits widen.<\/p>\n<p>My body becomes softer, my hands warmer, my breathing more regular.<\/p>\n<p>My thoughts also open.<\/p>\n<p>Such qualities also inevitably transfer themselves to others who are present.<\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #000000;\">____________<\/span><\/strong><br \/>\n<strong><span style=\"color: #000000;\"> Courage<\/span><br \/>\n<\/strong>Why is my courage sometimes hesitant? When I feel my inner workings I come to the conclusion that courage can also include danger: courage or pluckiness means that I am confident in myself and am able to risk something and to enter a situation that involves uncertainties: the uncertainty not to be liked, loved, recognized and appreciated by everybody and consequently not to belong, to be excluded and therefore alone.<\/p>\n<p>If that is clear to me I can ask myself: <em>And does this risk, this danger change anything about my decision to acting out of love and not out of annoyance?<\/em> I consciously answer: <em>No<\/em>.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/section><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-30sdl9u-20ce5952699ca63d2f5757696aee8d17\">\n.flex_column.av-30sdl9u-20ce5952699ca63d2f5757696aee8d17{\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-webkit-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-moz-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div class='flex_column av-30sdl9u-20ce5952699ca63d2f5757696aee8d17 av_one_fourth  avia-builder-el-21  el_after_av_one_half  el_before_av_one_fourth  flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding column-top-margin'   ><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-2nahqhe-4f7ad220ea7cb1fd34765aa29345980f\">\n.flex_column.av-2nahqhe-4f7ad220ea7cb1fd34765aa29345980f{\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-webkit-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-moz-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div class='flex_column av-2nahqhe-4f7ad220ea7cb1fd34765aa29345980f av_one_fourth  avia-builder-el-22  el_after_av_one_fourth  el_before_av_one_half  first flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding column-top-margin'   ><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-1ydz7rm-c377665ad160b5549d81c9443b1d3271\">\n.flex_column.av-1ydz7rm-c377665ad160b5549d81c9443b1d3271{\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-webkit-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-moz-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div class='flex_column av-1ydz7rm-c377665ad160b5549d81c9443b1d3271 av_one_half  avia-builder-el-23  el_after_av_one_fourth  el_before_av_one_fourth  flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding column-top-margin'   ><section  class='av_textblock_section av-1frrk36-97024efd609d4893eac428f40036c6ab '  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/CreativeWork\" ><div class='avia_textblock '  itemprop=\"text\" ><p><strong>____________<br \/>\nThe power<br \/>\nto<br \/>\nlove \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Life with a child brings us unlimited possibilities to become aware of unconscious anxieties and traumas but also the deepest joys.<\/p>\n<p>Only in our relationship with others can we grow beyond ourselves and develop our greatest power \u2014 the power to love.<\/p>\n<p>As a mother, I see it as my task to find my individual way to this source of power and practise it in everyday situations, especially in moments of conflict or stress.<\/p>\n<p>When we start from a place of love we give without expecting to receive. Children are our greatest and most amiable examples.<\/p>\n<p>____________<br \/>\n<strong><span style=\"color: #808080;\">Visit us on Facebook\u00a0at:\u00a0<em style=\"color: #808080;\"><a style=\"color: #808080;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/beginningwell.org\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">www.facebook.com\/beginningwell.org<br \/>\n<\/a><\/em>Like and share with friends and family.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div><\/section><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-z1wgnm-9ff386d103a1c77c3e3224ca9f84f5ca\">\n.flex_column.av-z1wgnm-9ff386d103a1c77c3e3224ca9f84f5ca{\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-webkit-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-moz-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div class='flex_column av-z1wgnm-9ff386d103a1c77c3e3224ca9f84f5ca av_one_fourth  avia-builder-el-25  el_after_av_one_half  avia-builder-el-last  flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding column-top-margin'   ><section  class='av_textblock_section av-sgrieq-63b0506937c0815f1bd7114583f3d255 '  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/CreativeWork\" ><div class='avia_textblock '  itemprop=\"text\" ><p><strong>____________<\/strong><br \/>\n<strong>You may<br \/>\nalso be<br \/>\ninterested in:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #808080;\">How should I react when my child is aggressive?<br \/>\nMore can be found <span style=\"color: #333333;\"><strong><a style=\"color: #333333;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/understanding-aggression\/\"><em>here ..<\/em><\/a><em><a style=\"color: #333333;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/understanding-aggression\/\">.<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p>____________<br \/>\n<strong><span style=\"color: #808080;\">From now on you can find how-to\u00a0videos\u00a0such\u00a0as\u00a0<em>Daily Care With Empathy\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/strong><strong><span style=\"color: #808080;\">also on our\u00a0<a style=\"color: #808080;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UCJ14CclbLOmK9JMTECwmDKg\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><em><u>beginning well\u00a0<\/u><\/em><em style=\"color: #808080;\">Youtube Channel<\/em><\/a><em style=\"color: #808080;\">\u00a0&#8211; <span style=\"color: #333333;\">Be sure to subscribe.<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/section><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v15.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Conflicts with my child<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When conflicts arise with my child and on my decision to act from the heart\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/conflicts\/\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Est. reading time\">\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"12 minutes\">\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/\",\"name\":\"beginningwell.org\",\"description\":\"Achtsames Miteinander von Beginn an \\u00a9\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/?s={search_term_string}\",\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/conflicts\/#primaryimage\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/bewell_everyday_logo_lila_85x462.png\",\"width\":462,\"height\":85},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/conflicts\/#webpage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/conflicts\/\",\"name\":\"Conflicts with my child\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/conflicts\/#primaryimage\"},\"datePublished\":\"2018-02-22T17:59:33+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-01-07T18:20:02+00:00\",\"description\":\"When conflicts arise with my child and on my decision to act from the heart\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/conflicts\/\"]}]}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO Premium plugin. -->","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/10354\/"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page\/"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1\/"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments\/?post=10354"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/10354\/revisions\/"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11482,"href":"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/10354\/revisions\/11482\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beginningwell.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/?parent=10354"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}